The Fear Factor

I have a confession.

I’ve been secretly writing notes to myself in between posts and not publishing them.

I placed my writing under mind arrest – a portable version of a house arrest, but no less restrictive.  I allowed a mix of other peoples versions of me and the old stories I had made of myself, start to distract me from truly expressing my authentic self.

My own urge to have everything neatly organised and tied down first, become the paralysis tick to my writing.  Thoughts were never in short supply, but came at me in such a flurry it was easier to tune them out, then sift through them.  My inner chatter disguised itself as a “keeping me safe”, but was inadvertently keeping me contained.

A mix of soul searching, recent life events and finding space to unpack myself a little bit more revealed the ugly truth…

I’ve been having an unhealthy relationship with fear.  Fear of what family and friends would say if I wrote.  Fear if I didn’t write.  Fear of being too emotional and vulnerable. Fear of not being liked or loved. Fear of what I might reveal. Fear of not liking what I might reveal. Fear of shining. Fear of finances. Fear of being fearful and ultimately Fear of being me.

Is it a fear thought? Then most likely I have felt it, made friends with it and more often then not, I’ve invited it to stay.

But that stops today.

Today I am re-committing to openly sharing my experiences –  the magical and the not so magical moments of my life.   I make no apologies for being this emotional expressive me who often talks without filter.

My intention is to live a fearless and free life and ensure my days are full of love, light and laughter.

To live a life of No full stops

 

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